


The Ouran Alchemist Club

by LordPhantomhive



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Cake, Challenges, Crossdressing, Fire, Flame Alchemy, Gen, Host Clubs, Miniskirts, Romance, Roses, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:52:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6814201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordPhantomhive/pseuds/LordPhantomhive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy Mustang and Edward and Alphonse Elric have been sent to the Ouran Academy to learn about Japanese High schools. They Join the Host Club and Roy proposes a wager, that will change the stakes of their stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Roy Mustang and Edward and Alphonse Elric sat across from the blond host King; Tamaki Suoh.

“Why do you wish to join my club?” Tamaki asked, his purple eyes shining.

“We have orders from Central to learn about high schools in a foreign country to our own.” Roy Mustang said 

“We thought that the best way to do this was to join your club.” Alphonse said

“Why did you choose Ouran Academy, over all the other schools in Japan?” Kyoya asked appearing behind Tamaki. He lifted his glasses as he spoke.

“YOU SHOULD BE HONOURED!” Ed yelled standing up.

Roy took his wrist and pulled him down.

“Sorry about Ed.” He said. Ed glared at Roy and Kyoya. “We chose Ouran Academy for it’s excellent reputation.” Roy said

“We heard that this school has many foreign students, and felt that it would suit our needs for the project.” Al said

Kyoya nodded and wrote something down in his notebook.

“Why choose this club, there are plenty of better ones.” Haruhi said

“HARUHI, this club is great!” Tamaki said with a flourish. “Mummy, our daughter is being disobedient.” Tamaki moaned to Kyoya.

Roy looked at the hosts and shrugged, what they got up to was really none of his business.

Kyoya leaned forward. “I really don’t care.” He said before walking away.

Roy chuckled and Tamaki turned to him, clearly wanting an explanation. “My apologies, my Lieutenant is just the same.” He said thinking of Riza.

Ed whispered something to Al, and Roy shot them a glance. They stopped whispering immediately.

“Can we be hosts yet?” Ed asked

“No not yet.” The Hitachiin twins said

“You need to be trained first.” Honey Senpai said over a plate of cake.

“Who will train us?” Alphonse asked.

“I will train Alphonse, Roy; I’ll trust the twins to train you.” Tamaki said. Hikaru and Kaoru smiled at each other and Tamaki looked menacingly at them.

“Be good. I trust you with this.” Tamaki said

“Yes boss.” The Twins said with a salute. Roy nodded at them.

“And Ed, I’ll let Honey and Mori train you.” Tamaki said 

“I’ll warn you now, they are both highly trained individuals.” Kyoya said from across the room.

Ed made a dismissive noise. Two seconds later Honey senpai had kicked him in the chest and he was bent double on the floor. Roy supressed a laugh, but stopped as soon as  
Takashi looked at him.

“Brother are you okay?” Al asked concerned.

Al helped his brother up.

“Ok, got it!” Ed said in a pained voice. “Thanks Al, I’m fine.” He said 

“Come on Ed, we can have cake while we work.” Honey said leading Ed to one corner of the room.

“I do like cake, Winry makes the best cake.” Ed said following the smaller boy. He supressed the urge to make a short joke, for fear of being floored again.

“Who’s Winry?” Mitsukuni asked

“A . . . friend, back home.” Ed said, blushing slightly.

They all then began their training Roy showing off his fire power to the Twins’ amazement.

“Shouldn’t you be showing me how to be a host?” Roy asked after a minute

“Can you talk to people?” Hikaru asked

“Well yes. . . “ Roy said confused

“Can you pour tea?” Kaoru asked

“Yes.” Roy asked

“Can you be polite?” Hikaru asked

“And eat respectfully?” Kaoru asked

Roy just nodded.

“You’ll be fine!” they said

“It’s not that difficult.” Kaoru said

“The boss makes it sound hard.” Hikaru said

“Show us the fire thing again.” The Twin begged excitedly

Roy smiled, he was always happy to show off.

Across the room Edward Elric, was being shown how to pour tea, by Mori. He mastered it after a few tries. Honey then showed him how to politely eat. This took a bit more time  
and led to Ed gaining a few bruises. He eventually managed it.

“Can I be a host now?” Ed asked, impatiently

Honey looked up to Mori. Mori nodded at him. Honey smiled broadly at Ed. “Of course Ed Chan.” He said “But we have to wait for Tama Chan to open the club.” Honey said sulkily

“Alphonse Kun’s training isn’t finished yet.” Mori said in his booming voice.

Alphonse and Tamaki were getting on like a house on fire. Al had mastered his host training in minutes, now he and the king were talking away.

Kyoya came over to them. “Tamaki.” Kyo said. “We will lose money if we don’t open the club soon.” He stated.

“Oh yeah.” Tamaki said standing up. “Everyone we need to define these new hosts’” he said.

Roy, Ed and Al looked confused.

“Ed, you can be the short type.” Tamaki stated.

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT?!? A TINY PIPSQUEK!” he yelled, his eyes hollow and black with anger.

“That’s and interesting effect.” The Twins’ commented

“How about the Rude Type?” Kyoya suggested saltily

Ed glared and nodded. It was better than being defined as short.

“Mustang, you can be the Dangerous Type.” Tamaki said

Roy nodded, he liked the sound of that. He felt that Riza would laugh at that.

“And finally Alphonse, you can take the mantel of the Princely Type.”

“But Senpai . . .” Haruhi said standing up. Kyoya put a hand on her shoulder.

“We must please our guests, Haruhi.” He said threateningly.

Alphonse smiled and bowed at Tamaki. “Thank you Tamaki Senpai, I will do you proud.” He said.

“Before we begin I propose a wager,” Roy said.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“The person, who gets the least people visiting them, has to do a forfeit.” Roy proposed

“What’s the forfeit?” Ed asked suspiciously

“The loser has to wear A TINY MINISKIRT!” Roy yelled with a dramatic gesture.

Ed smiled and nodded. “You’re on Colonel!” He said confidently.

“I’m in.” Al said not wanting to miss out. He didn’t really care about the wager, but was happy to take part.

Everyone got in place, ready to welcome the guests. The doors magically opened and rose petals flew from somewhere unknown.

“Welcome to the Host Club, my Princesses’” Tamaki said with all the flair of actual royalty. Tamaki introduced their three new guests. The request came thick and fast for the  
alchemists.


	2. The Rude Type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Edward Elric's dirty tactics do enough to let him win the wager?

Ed sat across from three ladies, all in their yellow school uniform dresses.

“Thank you ladies for seeing me, would you like some tea?” He asked

They all nodded.

“Yes please.” One of them said

Ed poured the tea for the ladies, he was irritated to find that they were all taller than him.

“Do you take milk?” he asked them

One of them nodded. “My mum says it helps you grow tall.” She said

Ed bristled

“You should have some.” A different girl said.

Ed pouted and looked away. “ARE YOU SAYING I’M SHORT?” he yelled

The girls shrank back.

“I’m sorry ladies, please do not be afraid.” He said. Ed stood up and transmuted three metal roses, all beautiful works of art for the girls.

They swooned and took the roses.

“Thank you Ed Chan.” The second girl said, looking at her rose.

“I hate milk.” Ed admitted

“Me too, my Dad thinks it’s weird, but it’s not.” The third girl said

The second girl looked at her rose, then at Ed’s metal hand.

“Ed Chan?” she asked

“What is your request?” He said turning to her.

“Why is your hand . . . how it is?” she asked, she was trying to find the politest way of putting it.

Ed looked down at his hand, he often forgot that he had automail.

“Oh, I lost my arm and leg in an accident, when I was still a child.” Ed said

“Can I see your arm?” The first girls asked

“Alright.” Ed said 

Ed stood up and took off his tie and pale blue blazer. The girls’ eyes widened, how far was he going to go? He undid his shirt; one button at a time. 

Al and Roy looked over to Ed, why the hell was he undressing? Al rolled his eyes, why did Ed always feel the need to be half naked?

“Are you ready ladies?” Ed asked

They nodded eagerly, their hands held together in anticipation.

In slow emotion Ed took off the shirt and threw it to the floor. The Twins nodded in approval, Tamaki went to Kyoya moaning that Ed was stealing his tricks. The girls stared at Ed mechanical arm.

“Can we touch it?” they asked.

Ed nodded “If you wish, yes.” He said. 

They touched his arm and admired it’s beauty. They also took in his muscled chest and muscled left arm. Ed looked across to Roy and raised his eyebrow twice at him. Roy’s eyes   
narrowed, he had to improve his game if Ed was using stripping as a technique.

“My leg is the same.” Ed informed them

“What happened?” the first girl asked

“How did you lose them?” the second asked

“Please tell us.” The third girl said

“Please do.” the second begged

“Okay.” Ed said. Ed sat down and looked to Al, who seemed to be in full swing with his hosting. He looked down.

“When I was a kid my mum got sick and died. . . After she died we did something stupid, me and Al did.” Ed said looking away. He didn’t like to think of that. He sighed and   
pushed back his pain.

“That’s so sad!” The first girl said

“What happened?” the second one asked

“What did you and Al do?” the third wanted to know.

“We wanted to bring her back. We were wrong and there was an accident. I lost my arm and leg.” Ed said. He looked up at them. He didn’t dare delve into details. How could he tell them the true horror of what actually happened?

“Why do you have metal ones?” the third girl asked

“It’s called automail. My friend Winry made them,” Ed said proudly

“It’s amazing.” The first girl said

“Winry is amazing.” Ed said, looking into the distance, a smile on his face.

“Is she your girlfriend Ed?” the second girl asked

Ed went bright red and looked at them shocked.

“No . . . no. Were just friends.” Ed insisted

The girls looked at each other and giggled

“You’re really sweet Ed.” The first one said

“I think you’re sweeter.” He responded regaining his cool. “Anyone for cake?” Ed asked taking the attention away from his relationship with Winry.

The girls nodded and Ed served them. They dug in and Ed did his best to eat with grace, he didn’t want to get slammed by Honey or Mori again.

“You have excellent taste.” The third girl said digging in to a slice of chocolate orange cake.

“Honey Senpai . . . Mitsukuni chose it. I will be sure to tell him you said that.” Ed said

The third girl blushed “Thank you Ed Chan.” She said, bowing her head slightly

They talked more about Amestris and Ed’s home. The girls commenting on how quaint and sweet it all sounded. 

The girls left soon after. Ed thanked them. He saw many more clients that day, giving each a metal rose, stripping, talking about his automail and about home. He was really beginning to enjoy himself. He saw why places like this existed, especially in a school like Ouran Academy.

Ed smiled at the end of the day; he was definitely going to win the bet. There was no way that he going to wear a miniskirt, he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself. He would rather die than give Colonel Bastard the satisfaction.


	3. The Dangerous Type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Roy Mustang do enough to beat that pipsqueak of an alchemist?

Roy looked across at the ladies in front of him. He made a fire rose and the girls looked at him in amazement.

“Wow.” The first one said a blond with long hair. She had a cat clip in her hair.

“How do you do that?” The second asked a short brunette with a purple bow in her hair.

“It’s called alchemy; we are all trained in it.” Roy said proudly

“Can Ed and Al also make flames?” the blond asked

Roy shook his head “I’m the only one who has mastered fire alchemy.” He said

“The only one.” The brunette said in amazement

Roy nodded and made and cat out of fire, the fire cat meowed before disappearing. The blond blushed and made a cute face.

“How did you know that cats are my favourite?” she asked. The alchemist getting more and more impressive with every second that passed.

Roy glanced at her cat clip. He shrugged coolly and put his hand through his dark hair. “I have a knack for these things.” He said smiling at her.

She squealed in delight and fanned herself with her hand. “I wish that you could join the club for longer.” She said

Roy smiled “That’s sweet of you, but I think that five days is long enough.” he said. He leaned forward “my powers can be dangerous as well as beautiful.” He said

“I don’t believe that you could be dangerous.” The brunette said innocently

Roy laughed, thinking of all the times he had accidently set fire to things when he was drunk.

They talked some more over tea and cake which Haruhi had bought round on a cart.

“Do you drink commoner’s coffee in Amerstress?” The blond asked sipping at her instant coffee.

Roy laughed. “Yes, we regularly have Instant coffee in Amestris. Especially during breaks from working.” Roy said

“What kind of work do alchemists do?” the brunette asked

“It’s hard to explain really. Alchemists are sort of like a special police force. We stop the bad alchemists from causing trouble.” Roy explained

“Are there many bad alchemists?” the blonde enquired

“There’s a few, but me and the other alchemists deal with them.” Roy said silkily.

“Do you and Ed-” the blonde went to ask. She stopped and stared. Roy and the brunette turned to see where she was looking.

They saw Edward Elric stripping his shirt slowly. Roy looked confused. Why was Ed stripping? Then he became angry as he realised that Ed might win the wager. He summoned a   
flame in anger, shooting it across the room.

Honey Senpai caught the flame and sent it back, it slightly scorched Roy’s blue Ouran blazer.

“Hey.” Roy said angrily.

Everyone turned to look and Kyoya stood between Roy and Honey; a fight between them would not end well.

“Stop, we have guests!” Kyoya said

“Mustang Senpai, shouldn’t you be more careful?” Haruhi suggested

Roy nodded. “Sorry, I’ll be more careful.” He said with a bow. He reminded himself that he was a guest here, he had to represent Amestris. He had to do the military proud, it was an honour to be sent on the trip.

Roy returned to his seat and apologised to the ladies.

“It’s okay.” they said, with bright smiles

Roy summoned several different fire animals to please them. They left and one of the girls who had just seen Al and two of the girls who had seen Ed came over to Roy.

“Welcome ladies.” He said bowing “would you like tea and cake?” he asked them

They all nodded and Roy poured the tea and handed out the cake.

“Can you make things like Ed Chan can?” a dark haired girl asked

Roy clicked his finger making a rose made of fire, he then made a fire rabbit, which hopped across before burning out.

“What is your favourite animal?” Roy asked a redhead girl

She blushed. “ummm.” she said becoming flustered “I like butterflies!” she exclaimed. It was very hot over in Roy’s corner.

Roy smiled. “This is for you.” He said. He made a fire butterfly which slowly flapped it’s wings before burning away, just like the rose and rabbit had.

The read head smiled and went crimson. “Thank you, Mustang Senpai.” She said. Her heart beating quickly.

He smiled and bowed. “I’m always happy to share my gift.” He said suavely.

He gave the other two girls animals, a dog for the dark haired girl and a dog for the third one. He saw a few other girls the rest of the day.

Every time a girl became flustered by Roy, the more he realised that he was definitely going to win the wager. He had also done it without resorting to showing off his perfect abs, to get more attention like Ed had.

He smiled at the thought of Ed in a miniskirt; he was going to be so embarrassed when he lost, and Roy couldn’t wait to record the event. He was going to be telling the story of   
Ed’s defeat for years to come.


	4. The Princley Type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alphonse does his best, to uphold the values of The Host Club during his time as the 'honorary' Princely Type.

Alphonse Elric smiled as the third sat of girls sat across from him.

“Welcome, ladies.” He said. He handed them each a rose.

They took them and blushed. 

“Thank you Al.” the blond with short hair said

“Thanks Alphonse Kun.” The long dark haired one said

“Would you ladies like some tea and cake?” Al asked them.

“Yes please.” They echoed

Al poured the tea and handed them each a slice of cake, which they took with a little bow.

“What’s your favourite subject at school?” 

“I like art.” The blond said “I’m the vice president of the art club.” She told him

“I bet you’re an amazing artist.” Al said

The blond blushed. “Thank you, Al. I want to be an architect when I grow up, my father is one and I want to follow in his footsteps.” She revealed

Al took her hand. “I think you can do anything if you put your mind to It.” he said looking deep into her eyes.

She blushed and sat back.

“How about you?” Al asked the dark haired girl.

She thought for a minute, feeling the pressure. “I like computing and coding, I wish they did more of it here.” she said

“Why don’t they, I would have thought a school like Ouran academy would be more up to date.” Alphonse commented

The dark haired girl shrugged. “I don’t mind really, I’m going to be a software developer for the gaming industry when I’m older. My parents don’t want me to, but I’ll convince   
them.” She said proudly.

“Your parents shouldn’t hold you back.” Alphonse said “Mine and Ed’s never did, well for the time they were around.” Al said. He smiled at them.

“Al, are you and Ed orphans’?” the blond asked concerned

“Technically not, we have our dad, but he left when we were little. Ed is still angry about it.” Al said.

The three glanced over to Ed, who was stripping. The girls looked at Al’s face, the disapproval was clear.

“Anyway,” Al said. The girls turned back in. “Our mum died when we were little,” Al said

The girls held each other’s hands. “That’s so sad.” They said, tears beginning to bubble in their eyes.

“It was all a long time ago, but when she was still alive she always encouraged our Alchemy. She would be so proud of us, if you could see us now.” Alphonse said

“Do you miss her?” The dark haired girl asked

Al nodded sadly. “Every day, but she’ll always be here.” Al said pointing to his heart. He thought about Trisha, her long hair and kind smile, she was always so happy.

The girls clutched their hearts, their feelings bubbling.

“Al, do you get to see your dad much?” the blond asked

Al thought. “Sometimes, I always love when he comes back. Ed not so much . . .” Alphonse said “He travels a lot, so he always comes back with interesting stories.” Al explained.   
“When I’m older, I’m going to travel like he does. I want to learn everything I can about alchemy.” Alphonse said smiling

“I think that’s an exciting dream.” The dark haired girl said

Al smiled at them.

They asked him about his home and he talked about Winry and Pinako and how beautiful it was.

“Is Winry, Ed’s girlfriend? I asked him but he wouldn’t tell me.” The dark haired girl said

Al smiled, “He definitely has feelings for, whether he has realised this or not, is unclear.” Alphonse said.

The girls nodded in response and sipped at their tea.

They left soon after and Alphonse politely thanked them for coming, they blushed before leaving. 

Al saw three girls next. A blond with a bobbed haircut, a redhead, and a girl with long brown hair.

He presented them with a rose and they had tea and cake. They asked him about, Amestris. He smiled and answered their questions.

“Alphonse Kun, do you have a girlfriend?” the blonde asked

Al blushed. He sort of did, he really liked Mei but she was still a girl. He wanted to wait till they were both older.

“No,” Al said. “There’s someone I’m interested in though.” He said

“Does she live in Amestris?” the redhead asked

Al shook his head. “No she’s from Xing originally. It’s not too far away.” Al said with a smile

“You’re too sweet Alphonse.” The brunette said

Al bowed. “Thank you, ladies.” He said

They stayed for a little while longer, before leaving. Al saw several more people that day. He had never realised how much he liked talking to people and eating cake. Since getting   
his body back, he had eaten so much cake; it had become his favourite food.

Alphonse sat back at the end of the day and thought about the competition. Ed was so easily convinced. Al laughed, he didn’t care about the competition, but it was sure going to be interesting finding out who had lost.


	5. And The Winner Is . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The winner of the wager is announced and more than one person is upset by the results.

It was the end of the school week and three alchemists had worked their hardest to win the wager. By Thursday Roy Mustang had resorted to stripping, which amused Ed. The Host Club and Edward, Alphonse and Roy stood in front of Kyoya. The dark haired boy pushed up his glasses and looked at the crown in front of him, they were all dying to hear who the winner was. Kyoya looked down at the clipboard.

“In first place is Alphonse Elric, who was seen by a total of 52 guests throughout the week.” Kyoya said.

Everyone clapped and Alphonse blushed, he wasn’t used to being the centre of attention.

“congratulations Alphonse.” Tamaki said

“Well done Al.” Haruhi said

“Well done!” Honey chimed

“Well done brother!” Ed said, punching his younger brother’s arm.

“Thanks Ed.” Al responded shyly.

“This is certainly interesting.” Kyoya commented. 

“What is Kyoya Senpai?” Haruhi asked

“The wager was that the loser has to wear a mini skirt? Is that correct?” Kyoya asked Roy Mustang

“Yes.” Roy said with a nod.

“Well in that case . . .” Kyoya said.

“Tell us!” the Twins begged

“In joint second place is Roy Mustang . . .” Kyoya said

Roy’s face fell, how he could lose? Ed beamed, “I guess that means . . .” he went to say

“And Edward Elric.” Kyoya finished “You came joint in numbers, both getting 46 guests overall.”

Ed’s jaw dropped “But that. . . that.” Ed stuttered “That can’t be right?” Ed queried

“Kyoya is never wrong when it comes to figures.” Tamaki told them. Kyoya smiled at the blond haired prince.

“Let me see that! I need proof!” Ed demanded

Kyoya shrugged and suddenly the light went off and a screen came down. On the screen was a graph showing the day by day numbers for the alchemists.

“As you can see, Ed, you started out the most popular, but your popularity died down as the week went on.” Kyoya said

“Ha!” Roy said. Ed stuck his tongue at him.

“Roy on the other hand, started out as the least popular of the threesome, but by the end of the week, had become the most popular.” Kyoya explained. “And Alphonse you were consistent throughout the week, congratulations.” The dark haired boy said with a nod at Al. Alphonse smiled and nodded back.

The lights came back on and the screen slowly rolled up. 

“I can’t believe I lost.” Ed pouted.

“It’s ok brother, you were joint second with Colonel Mustang,” Alphonse pointed out to Ed. “No offense Colonel.” Al addressed Roy.

“None taken.” Roy said with a nod. They smiled at each other.

Tamaki appeared forward with a flourish. “The winner is Alphonse Elric. The forfeit is to be completed by Roy Mustang and Edward Elric.” He announced.

Ed growled, his eyes black with anger.

“What’s the problem, pipsqueak. Scared the skirt won’t suit you?” Roy asked with a laugh.

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT! DON’T CALL ME A PIPSQUEK, I’M STILL GROWING!” Ed yelled at the Colonel.

Roy smiled smugly at the younger boy. There were eye to eye and a fight would break out any moment. The tension could be cut with a knife.

Suddenly the twins swung through. They pushed something into Ed’s and Roy’s chests. They looked down at what the Twins had handed them; it was a black mini shirt.

“To match the school uniform.” Tamaki explained.

“Go to the shower rooms to change.” Kyoya instructed “Haruhi will show you where they are.” He said

Tamaki handed Haruhi a mini skirt. She threw it on the ground “NO WAY IN HELL, SENPAI!” She yelled

“But it would suit you.” Kaoru said

“We chose the colour especially for you.” Hikaru said

“No!” Haruhi yelled at the Twins.

She bristled and turned away from her Senpia’s. 

She took a breath and calmed herself down. “Follow me.” She said politely to Roy and Ed.

Haruhi walked out of the host club and they followed her, slightly confused. Why would they want to put Haruhi in a skirt, it’s not like she was part of their wager, or a girl?


	6. The Catwalk Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward Elric and Roy Mustang show off their new looks in catwalk show organised by The Host Club.

Roy Mustang, Edward Elric and Haruhi Fujioka stared at the host club. There was a runway in the middle complete with catwalk and lights. 

“Ahh your back!” Tamaki said coming over

“What’s going on Senpai?” Haruhi asked

“We are having a catwalk show.” Hikaru said

“To celebrate our guest’s final day.” Kaoru explained.

The Twins looked down to Roy and Ed’s miniskirts and started laughting. Roy blushed; embarrassed and Ed started to get angry. Honey glared at him, just daring him to try and he   
calmed down.

“Ed, Roy.” Tamaki said. The two alchemists looked at the blond prince. “It’s time to learn how to model.” He said

Roy nodded and Ed became embarrassed again, was there no end to his suffering? The skirt was embarrassing enough as it was, but to model the outfit as well, that was just humiliating.

Tamaki showed them first, explaining what he was doing, as he did it. 

Roy then demonstrated, the Flame Alchemist was a natural at both the skirt wearing and the modelling.

“Your turn Ed.” Tamaki said

Ed shrank back, appearing even smaller than usual. He hated everything about this.

“What is it Ed, need some milk to encourage you?” Roy taunted

Ed bristled and hurriedly walked down the catwalk and back.

“There.” He said on his return

“Hmmm,” Tamaki said

“What is it?” Ed asked

“Can you do it without looking like you need the toilet? Try to be more graceful Ed.” Tamaki suggested

Edward Elric had never been graceful in his life. Roy snorted and started laughting, Ed glared at him. “Fine.” Ed said. He did the catwalk again and Tamaki nodded on Ed’s return.

“Go and get ready backstage, the Twins are doing hair and make-up.” Tamaki said

Ed huffed and walked backstage, followed by Tamaki and Roy. Everyone else was already there getting ready.

Haruhi walked over to Kyoya, who like her, hadn’t gotten ready yet. “Why are you doing a catwalk show?” Haruhi asked Kyoya

“Were all going to take part, so that we can sell the pictures to our guests. We need new merchandise.” Kyoya explained. “Were going to make so much money from this.” He   
commented

“Is that all you think about, money?” Haruhi asked

Kyoya looked at her. “Yes.” He said plainly

“What about family?” Haruhi asked

“My family only care about money.” Kyoya said

“That’s a shame,” Haruhi said. Kyoya cocked his head and looked at her. “There is so much happiness and joy that family can bring, Kyoya, I think it’s a shame that you’ve missed   
out on that.” Haruhi said, kindly.

Kyoya smiled a half laugh. “Intriguing.” He said turning to the notebook. Haruhi shrugged and went to get changed for the show; it wasn’t like she really had a choice in the   
matter.

Kyoya ensured that all of the camera’s and lights were set up, then let of the guests in.

Half an hour later the club was full of girls, talking excitedly. The lights dimmed and their chatter died down. The red velvet curtain opened and Tamaki emerged microphone in   
hand. A spotlight focused on the blond.

“Welcome to ‘The Ouran Host Club Catwalk Show’. We have a real treat in store for you today, princesses.” Tamaki said with his usual flourish. The crowd screamed in response.   
“The show will begin any minute now, so please enjoy our entertainment.” Tamaki said.

Tamaki went backstage and emerged a moment later in a white suit with a light blue shirt, a red rose in his lapel. The stood at one side of the stage.

“This week we have had exciting guests in. Three alchemists from Amestris, in Europe.” The crowd cheered. “Today is their final day.” A sad awe from the audience. “I know, it’s   
sad. But this week they have had a wager going. The loser had to wear a miniskirt. The results were announced earlier today and . . . our two losers are here to show off their new look.”

The crowd looked toward backstage in anticipation. 

“First up is Roy Mustang, also known as The Flame Alchemist.” Tamaki announced

The audience screamed and the song ‘Hot Stuff’ began playing. Roy emerged and posed by the curtains. The Twins had given Roy long straight black wig and heals with flame details to wear. He clicked and created two flames, which disappeared as soon as they had appeared. Roy strutted along. Once at the end of the apron, he slut dropped and pouted, showing of his red lipstick. He snapped back up and clicked up, posing, releasing a flame, and flickered his fake eyelashes at the audience. He walked back, his hips swinging in the tin mini skirt. Roy turned to the audience and blew a kiss before disappearing behind the curtain.

The audience’s response was thunderous. They screamed and clapped their delight, one girl had passed out.

“Try and beat that Fullmetal.” Roy taunted. His taunt somehow more threatening when he was dressed as a hot woman.

“I think that you’re the one who needs to worry.” Ed said

Roy laughed and sat down, his legs apart. 

Ed heard Tamaki announce him. He gulped and smiled. He could do this, he told himself.

“Shake It Off’ started to play and Ed strutted out in his black and silver spiked heels. The Twins had curled Ed’s naturally long hair. He strutted along to the end to the apron and   
bend forward, pushing his bum out. He blew a kiss from his pink rouged lips and created a rose. He handed it to the nearest girl who took it and fainted.

Ed turned and walked back to the curtain, he did a spin by the curtain with one leg bent. He blew another kiss to the audience before disappearing. The crown clapped and screamed in response.

“Those were our two losers strutting their stuff. Who would like to see Alphonse?” Tamaki asked.

The crown screamed in response and ‘Cheerleader’ began playing. Alphonse walked out in a black dinner suit. He walked to the end and posed. He stripped off the jacket and threw the jacket to the ground. The girls screamed. Al undid the bow tie and the top three shirt buttons, and let his shirt hang open slightly. He made roses appear and threw them to the crowd. He then walked calmly back to the curtain, the black jacket slung casually across his back. 

Alphonse disappeared behind the curtain but emerged again this time with Ed on one elbow and Roy on the other, Ed was nearly the same height as his younger brother. Alphonse escorted the two ‘ladies’ to the end. The three of them bowed and posed, before walking back, first Roy, then Al and finally Ed.

The crowd cheered, there were going to miss the alchemists.

The host club then strutted their stuff, showing of the latest fashions from Tokyo. They had tried to make Haruhi wear a miniskirt but she had refused, instead modelling a white ball gown, similar to Honey Senpia’s pink one.

The crown cheered and left having enjoyed the show.

Once the host club was empty and had been returned to normal the hosts and alchemist sat round drinking tea and eating cake.

“Thank you so much for visiting.” Tamaki said

“It has been an honour Tamaki.” Roy said

“We will send any photo’s across.” Kyoya informed them

Ed went bright red; everyone was going to see those pictures. Roy looked to Ed, they looked as embarrassed as each other. 

“You guys did great!” Honey Senpai said enthusiastically.

“Thank you, Mitsukuni.” Alphonse said.

“To be honest . . . I enjoyed it.” Roy said with a shrug

“We could tell.” The Twins said

“You really went for it Roy.” Tamaki said “You made me proud. You too Ed, you really got in the swing of it by the end.” the blond said

“Thanks.” Ed said with an embarrassed shrug.

“Thank you for inviting us.” Alphonse said “I think we’ve all had fun and leant a lot.” He said

“That’s good, I’m glad you actually learnt something learnt from this club.” Haruhi said, a sarcastic tone in her voice.

Tamaki looked at her and she shrugged back and smiled.

The club said their goodbyes to the alchemists. They waved them off after Roy, Ed and Al had de-briefed with Mr Suoh, the headmaster. Ed fell asleep within minutes of travelling and the three alchemists had a safe journey home.

A few weeks later the pictures turned up and Ed and Roy became the butt of many sexists jokes. For weeks, Ed got both short jokes and blond jokes. After the trip Roy was always asked to slut drop at parties, something which after a few drinks he was happy to do; it was also something which Riza secretly found attractive. Nobody ever forgot about Roy and Ed’s cross dressing, it was talked about for many years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this, it really means a lot to me. I hope that you've enjoyed it :)


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